Adam ate the apple without even thinking about it. Fact was, thinking about it now, he didn’t question it; he’d never questioned anything before that day. He just kinda did what he was told. When he was commended to name the animals, he did. Never the considerable length of time it would take. He even had to ask God if there was such a thing that one could look through to see things far away: He named these Farseers. And at the same time he ask for something so he could see all the tiny bugs that worked under the grass, and earth: He called these Littleviewers. He’d kept himself busy naming all the animals in the garden during those early years, and hadn’t noticed how lonely he was. When he’d finished naming the last animal (an Emu) he slept for most of that week, only waking on the Sabbath to praise, and ironically, rest. Walking through the Garden, a Garden made especially for him, he found himself wishing to share the stories behind the wonderful names he’d come up with. And as he was watching the elephants bathing, one day, he turned to no one and began to explain how he came up with the name. It had come to him one day when he was making up a song to sing to God, just throwing words out without them needing to mean anything, he needed to rhyme sycophant with something and his still very new tongue fumbled out Elephant. Today he felt pride, but back then it was just a thing he did. And with great love, wanted to share that story with someone. God had noticed this and asked, "Adam would you like someone to hang with?" Adam didn't know how to answer; God had never asked him his opinion, before. In Adam's confusion, God’s giant hand came from the clouds and touched Adam's head and he slept. When he woke a woman lay next to him, and God said, "Her name is Eve, and she will keep you company." She was cool. Adam quickly took her hand and showed her all of the land and it was good. Until she started going out without him for hours, then full days. On the day she gave him the apple to eat she had been gone for 3 days, and said she had been speaking to the snake and he said the best fruit in the whole wide world was this apple from the Tree at the centre of the Garden. The tree God said never to touch. She handed the partly bitten apple to Adam and he bit it, pondered it, then ate more. It was at this point that Adam had his very first erection. That was when he noticed how hot Eve was; and he didn't know why but he desperately needed touch her boobies. Then hump her rotten, and then do the slow fade out, by not calling her. He wasn't even sure what all that meant, but before he was done coaxing Eve to let him Lay some Pipe God's giant hand appeared, again, from the cloud, picked up the embarrassed kids, and sent them out of the Garden. Now, years later, as he sits on the toilet, wondering about how he got into this mess, what with Cain beating the shit out of his brother constantly; how Eve was always asking when he going to finish painting the house, or cut the lawn, or ask for a raise, he was thankful the bathroom door had a lock.