One paragraph story... June 17- AM edition

Fatty Matty ate his feelings. He ate when he was happy. He ate when he was sad. He ate when he was hungry, which he knows is not a feeling, but it feels horrible to be hungry, so he ate. His mother had to ween him off breastfeeding before he was even one month old, because the only thing that made Fatty Matty happy was to feed, and if he was not suckling he was crying. By the time he was six months old all of Fatty Matty’s teeth had grown in. The Doctor’s believed they came in so fast out of Fatty Matty’s sheer will to eat something of substance. If it was on a plate, it wasn’t for very long. His ambulatory skills were second to none, and often his parents would hear him Sleep-waddling from his room, on his way to the fridge to make a late night snack. Usually he would do this three times. In Primary School Fatty Matty was encouraged to take up a sport, he chose Hockey. The rival teams would argue that it was cheating because he was fatter than the goal, but Fatty Matty didn't care. He loved it, he would stand in the crease eating Subway sandwiches and blocking every puck. He didn't even need to wear padding. In Secondary School, Fatty Matty decided he would enter a Hot Dog eating contest for Seafest. When he finished his 100 dogs, he started eating the competitors dogs. When the timer was done he had run out of hot dogs and was squirting the bottles of ketchup, and mustard in his mouth just to have something to taste. After he sued McDonalds because he couldn't lift himself off the toilet in their Handicapped washroom, Fatty Matty had so much money that he chose to never work again, and he was able to eat comfortably on the interest made in his account. When he was 28 he hired a crane to remove him from his house, and he spend the rest of his days living in a circus tent. A year later, the sound of Fatty Matty exploding could be heard from Vancouver all the way to Seattle, and the Americans readied themselves for war thinking Canada had finally created a Nuclear Bomb. Fatty Matty’s demise was felt by his family, but most affected were the grocery stores and farms that were created just to keep up with his consumption. The year he died was so bad for the BC economy that bankers and farmers were committing suicide. Forever known as the Year the Matty Dropped, the world would never forget Fatty Matty.

James C.