When the animal finally made it to the stage, after Delores had to zap it with the tazer, I knew I'd made a mistake. There are things they just don’t print in the testimonials on Yelp, and Google Maps. ‘It would be funny’, I said. There are things someone needs to know about to ready themselves for the world to come. Uncles were supposed to be there to buy the first Playboy; give them a taste of their first beer. Encourage their nephews to sneak out once in awhile; steal christmas lights and hear them explode with a pop when you throw them on the concrete. Maybe it was ego, maybe it was the loss of my moral compass after I got out of 2 year stretch at Mill Pen, over in Bath, but I see now that, yeah, two hundred bucks and six tins of creamed corn is considered a steal for what I got, but no matter how much you laugh at the streaming videos, a donkey show is not a proper Bar Mitzvah present.